R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
