i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
