Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
