i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
