Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
