Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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