You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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