Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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