Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
