I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
