yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
