I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
