hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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