Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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