Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
