Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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