Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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