I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
