So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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