I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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