well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
