I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
