i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
