I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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