This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
