I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
