Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
