He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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