Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
