It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
