I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
