I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
