I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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