Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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