I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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