woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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