Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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