so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
