..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
