Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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