I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
