one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
well you can't waste a boner
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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