Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
