It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
