Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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