My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
