My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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