Plan B is the new Plan A
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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