Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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