saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
